Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
