Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
