Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
