zippers are such a cool invention
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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