I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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