you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize