Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
