Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
