Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
