i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
