dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
