I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
