where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
