I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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