How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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