I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
