a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
