i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
