you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
