Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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