If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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