Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
