I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
