She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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