why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am in a vortex of obligation.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
