What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
