Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
