Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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