she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
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PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize