i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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