i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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