how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
