Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
