i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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