Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
