how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your penis caused this!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
