dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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