My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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