I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
