My hand turned me down
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize