Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
