hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
