i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I CAN MOONWALK!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
