i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
