i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
