So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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