Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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