Don't make out with my wife yet
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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