I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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