I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
