dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
