Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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