i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
