Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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