I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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