Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
