I puked a lego.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
