Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
