I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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