Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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