i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
