Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
