chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
