the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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