Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
